To Dance Again in the Moonlight
by Maxwell Demon
Summary: SLASH! Sirius wishes for the pack to be whole again. Ever since the last year and events with Snape. Spoilers: PoA
1. The snake and the Dog

I saw him, really saw Remus Lupin for the first time on that day in our sixth year. The leaves were turning to vibrant shades of red and yellow outside our dormitory in Ravenclaw, you could watch the wind carry some prematurely aged ones away on gentle currents.  
  
I was doing just this when Remus and James walked in. They had been out playing Quidditch-Remus was the new Keeper and still had to be trained.Keeper, that had been my position before-before Severus found out. Before I lost their trust and companionship.  
  
I still shiver when I remember that fateful night in June. I was jealous, mind I had yet to but a name to the emotion for I had never felt just so, anybody or anything that my heart had ever claimed and desired had been within my grasp. Remus was not; he never would be although one could hope.  
  
I had confronted Snape as he sat alone in the Slytherin common room, one of my old haunts. He had been writing a note of some sort in the deep green Slytherin ink, this note he quickly stashed as soon as he felt my breath hot on his neck.  
  
"What is it Sirius?" he addressed me through tight lips.  
  
"Leave. Him. Alone," I managed through gritted teeth.  
  
For some time, my friends and I had suspected that Severus held feelings for Remus and none of us had liked it. Remus would always belong to us- his pack, the Marauders, the runt as humans and the Alpha male as a wolf.  
  
The way Snape glanced at Remus and watched him intently did nothing to deter our notions. Therefore, I felt I must do something-Remus deserved better.  
  
"Leave who alone? Your boyfriend?" came his mocking remark.  
  
I have always been a rash person, act first think later is my motto and I am ashamed to say that I live by that. Grabbing the slimy git by his black and thin shoulders I looked Severus Snape straight in his infinite, black eyes. His evil, black eyes now. And shook him, "Remus. Is. Not. My. Boyfriend," I punctuated each word with a violent shake.  
  
"Of course not!" Severus spit, "He's too good for a bastard like yourself."  
  
I hit him. I have never hit a Slytherin, while most shun these types; I have always found a grudging respect for anyone who bore the Snake on their school robes. But I am getting off track again. Snape stumbled back, wiping blood from his lip and he stuck out a pale hand to catch himself on one of many black armchairs that still litter the stone room, "And what makes an ungrateful prat such as yourself think you are much better?" I did not deny that I did not deserve Remus's companionship.  
  
"I have staked no such claim Black," came the blunt reply.  
  
"You want Remus? Go and find him!" I hollered, although the next part came as barely a whisper, "Press the knot at the base of the Whomping Willow with a stick, he's through the passageway," before turning and leaving but not before I caught the look in James's eye, my Slytherin companion turned on his heel and ran to his dormitory.  
  
I, on the other hand, went to the one place where I could be alone and my imagination as well as emotions could run rampant. The Astronomy Tower was open air and faced the direction of the Shrieking Shack. From this vantage point I could watch as Madame Pomfrey led the young werewolf to his monthly habitation, I could watch Severus run in moments after the matron left alone. And I could watch, much to my astonishment as a second, bespectacled figure (yes, I knew he wore glasses as the moonlight glinted off of them) followed the first two in.  
  
After that, everything was a rush of movement. The screams and howls, James running out of the Willow with Severus in tow. Being called to the hospital wing where James lay, his arm bleeding badly and his harsh words, eight harsh words-"What the hell were you trying to do?" that resonated within my mind.  
  
Then I remembered the next morning, two days before the closing feast when Remus returned from his own stay in the hospital wing. He was perspiring from the very effort of standing and winced at every movement yet he still managed to find his way to our dormitory.  
  
He looked at me, his hazel eyes whirling with all sorts of bedazzled emotion. No anger though, just questions all of which had so far gone unanswered, "Why Sirius? Why did he have to know?"  
  
"Remus, I-I wasn't thinking-''  
  
Holding his delicate hand up as if to wave my explanation, my one-time friend broke his gaze, "That's always your explanation, isn't it? But that's not true Sirius.you were thinking. You were thinking enough to tell him how to get past the Willow. But why?"  
  
It was in that moment that I knew nothing was to be the same. Remus was not easily trusting and I had spent nearly five long years earning it along with the rest of the Marauders. In one moment, one bloody, ill thought out speech I had broken that trust and betrayed he whom I most cherished. No longer would I run with the pack under the full moon or comfort Remus when some misinformed house elf gave him real silverware that ravaged his youthful hands.  
  
Sometime over the summer I was able to come to terms with the feelings and dreams I held of Moony. Unfortunately, this realization did not come gradually but flung itself at me much like the many girls and few boys I dated for no more than a few months. Everything that I had been feeling, the jealousy towards Snape and Remus's companionship, the adoration of my blonde friend all came into a simple and unadorned thought-//Oh shit//  
  
"Brilliant work today Mr. Moony. Never thought you'd be so adept on a broom," James's voice brought me back to the autumn shrouded dormitory.  
  
"Especially considering I failed Flying lessons," Remus added with a wink.  
  
It was then that James's grey eyes met mine over the top of his glasses. While he and the others had forgiven me, Remus never would, on that night I could have made him a murderer.  
  
"See you around Sirius. Perhaps you can help me with the Transfiguration homework later this evening," a perfect lie, James was the top student in our Transfiguration classes, with the Gryffindor head, Minerva McGonagall.  
  
I barely inclined my head, there was a deeper matter James wished to discuss, this I knew and yet I willingly pulled myself into his verbal embrace. 


	2. Why?

CHAP 2 I would like to thank my reviewers (yes, just two so far) but it has further inspired me to write more. ^_^ Also, just to straighten a few things out about houses as I imagine they would be here they are: Remus and Sirius.Ravenclaw Peter.Hufflepuff James and Severus.Slytherin  
  
I stayed in the chamber for a little while more, not wanting to seem overly desperate for some sign of companionship. I was vaguely aware of Remus as he moved about our dormitory but truly the leaves were what held my attention. I was enraptured with the way they moved about, dancing with the wind to guide them.  
  
However, Remus soon left and I followed the smaller boy out, watching his gold and silver locks as they drifted with each step. It was in the common room that our solemn line parted, I to the enchanted wall that was our entrance and he to one of the many couches that were neatly arranged near the bay windows.  
  
As I knew he would be, James was waiting for me in the Transfiguration classroom. His shirtsleeves were rolled up and his arms crossed in a position I was all too familiar with. This was his position when we needed to have a serious conversation, no smiling or joking this time. No laughing off whatever he said, if James had asked me the deepest, darkest questions that human lips could form, I would have answered him truthfully.  
  
"Why did you do it?" this was not an unusual question but tonight I did not change the subject or wave it away with a sweeping gesture as I had done many a time before.  
  
"I don't know. No, that's not true, I do know why I did it. Spite, jealousy, a hope that maybe Severus wouldn't make it out alive. I'm sorry James, I never did mean to bring you into this-ever," I leant against the smooth stonewall.  
  
"Jealousy? He's Snape, a slimy, ugly prat with no one for friends but Malfoy and his gang. What's the real reason?"  
  
"Really, I was jealous. He and Remus were so.close, I didn't want to see him turn on Moony if he ever found out."  
  
"But Snape did find out, you only helped him there," my cousin pointed out, yes, James Potter and I were first cousins.  
  
I merely shook my head, bringing it to my pale hands, "I know James, I wasn't thinking at all.  
  
"He hates me now and he'll never speak to me again!" I didn't allow him to speak but walked out of the room, breaking into a run as I heard my name called.  
  
Remus hates me.  
  
The world hates me.  
  
I am but a sinful shadow, too dark to notice.  
  
These thoughts turned about in my head all the while as I rushed past the odd student, my feet pounding their silent symphony as I ran. I could feel my demons upon my shoulders as they whispered to me my worthlessness. I was devoid of any good thought, only insatiable despair as the wind of the Hogwarts Lake chilled my face and fanned my flame of self-hatred.  
  
I knelt by that darkened lake, not thinking merely wishing. With a single cry, I flung my body into the icy waters, drowning in anguish more so than liquid.  
  
Events after this are very muddled; such as they had been on the night when I lost the trust of him whom I cherished most.  
  
I remember feeling two exceptionably strong arms pulling me from my would- be grave and being hauled, chattering and frozen into the castle. A light- filled haven to my darkened spirit.  
  
I remember the warmth of hospital sheets pressing in on my body and of callused hands taking my blood pressure. But most of all, I remember a golden head resting on my bed, shoulders slumped and shaking. This I know was not a dream for if it had been a dream I would have reached out. But I didn't, I just lay there, pretending to be asleep as any hope of reconciliation dwindled away.  
  
It must have been nearly a week after my attempted death, how I shied at the thought of confronting my friends, that Mme. Pomfrey released me from her strict grasp and into a world of chilling stares. I remember that day with frightening clarity. James met me at the hospital door, placing his hands around my arm should I try to run.  
  
"God Sirius, why the hell did you do that?" his angry question spilled onto my heart like acid on one's skin.  
  
"Because I have nothing left to breathe for so why bother breathing at all?" a question for a question.  
  
"Why breathe? WHY BREATHE? Because you've got friends and family who LOVE you Pad. We were all so worried, even Remus. God, he never left your side.  
  
"Do you know that he blames himself, like Moony doesn't already have enough to feel bad about!" my long time friend was livid.  
  
It was at that point I tried to run again. That has always been the solution to my problems worth facing, but of course I never face them, just run from them.  
  
However, the fingers only tightened around my arm as my legs collapsed and tears fell freely. I hated myself for crying and for what I had done. Why didn't they just let me die like I should have? "Don't run Sirius! Don't you EVER run again, do you understand?"  
  
"James leave him alone.please," it would be impossible not to hear the melancholic note as Remus pleaded with him. How I had missed the melodic French accent these solitary days of mine.  
  
Fortunately I felt the strong hands uncurl and release me from their painful grasp. I don't think I had ever been so grateful to see the tall boy retreat, leaving him and me alone.  
  
Remus knelt by my crumpled form, he was so close that I could have counted is eyelashes had I been looking at my former friend's face. I had prayed for a moment like this, the werewolf never allowed anyone to come close to him. I had speculated that it was an unbidden fear of ever being near enough to someone to touch them.  
  
"Sirius, I-I'm so sorry. For everything, please-''  
  
I silenced him by looking at his hazel eyes. They were shinning and I realised that crystalline tears were forming, ready to unleash themselves at the slightest movement, "I know, James told me. Oh Moony, how can you forgive me?" I nearly wailed.  
  
Then he did something that I never would have expected, he wrapped his thin arms around my broad shoulders. I could feel his wavy head resting just under my chin as I closed my eyes, allowing the moment to freeze in time's foreverness.  
  
"How can I forgive you? Sirius, you are one of my best friends. You never left me or fell back in terror and disgust like so many people have in the past when you learned the truth. I'm s-sorry that I put you through this, I was just so mad at myself. I should have seen it coming, Severus- he was always trying to prod the truth out of me and, oh of course I forgive you now!" he was crying and I could feel my chest dampening as tears seeped off his pale face and into my sweater.  
  
"Hush, it's okay now Remus, everything is," I offered these words of comfort, all the time trying to desperately fathom how I could ever leave him just for being a werewolf.  
  
Gods only know how long we sat there, but I didn't care. I could hold Moony for all eternity and not care because I had him back. We were friends again and that was all that mattered, wounds would start to heal now.most would at least. 


	3. A shallenge pour Monsieur Black

CHAP 3 [A/N] Yeah, just to clear sommat, the impression is given in the first chapter that James was training Remus but I meant to say that he wasn't actually. I meant for James to have been watching his companion, sorry for the confusion.  
  
'Twas naught but a few days later that I stood amidst the many Ravenclaw spectators, watching the fierce game between Slytherin and my own house.  
  
These games were my least favourite, before it had merely been my discontent at playing my best friend but now I regarded Remus, eyes ever- watchful, circle the goal hoops almost lazily. As if to worsen the matter, this game was for the cup. Hufflepuff nearly never won and Gryffindor had been defeated early on by a particularly bad winter game against Slytherin. Snape could barely contain his glee; it would not surprise me if he became the head of that disreputable house one day.  
  
I was pulled from my notions as a loud cheer went up from our end, Remus had made a spectacular save and I could not help but laugh for glee at the ever-so-proud gleam in his golden eyes. It was so very much like him to resume his guarding stance instead of whooping along with the rest of us, so very much like him.  
  
I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked into the leering face of Remus's twin, Romulus. He too had been sorted into Ravenclaw but I could hardly stand him. Ever arrogant and conceited, he was always tossing his mass of blonde hair and primping for the ladies. If it was possible, he was more vain than I had been before.before everything.  
  
"My brozer is quite ze star, eez 'e not?" his French accent was so much different from Moony's-so protrusive, so annoying.  
  
"As if I don't know that already!" I bit back, hardly trying to hide my contempt from him, "What is the real reason you wish to torment me?"  
  
Romulus is not a werewolf; he was never bitten and never lets us forget that. He is my competitor and rival, more so than Snape who will never gain a second glance from none other than Adiel Sarrashai, a Gryffindor. Snape exists solely for his cauldrons and mortars. But Romulus is different; we compete fervently for the attention of both the males and females of Hogwarts. He is my equal when it comes to words and cleverness and for this I am ashamed that I am not better. But I am not sorry, never sorry.  
  
Romulus is not taken aback; this is not a rare thing. In fact, it would be uncommon for us to carry forth a civil conversation, "I 'ave come to make a wageur with you Monsieur Black."  
  
I barely nodded my recognition, "And what is this wager you speak of Lupin?"  
  
Romulus pointed with an index finger so similar and yet so different to that of Moony's, in the direction of a brunette. She sat quietly, her large eyes watching the game.  
  
"Do you see 'er? I bet you feefteen seeckles zat I will get a date from 'er before you Monsieur Black."  
  
"What purpose do you wish to achieve?" I snapped, eyebrow raised.  
  
"To prove for once and for all zat I truly am more sharming zan you," the prat replied calmly.  
  
An idea struck me then and I'm sure it was represented by the smile that crept across my thin lips, "You want a real challenge," I found a boy whom I was nearly sure had been in the company of another male earlier this month standing on him own, "then we go after him."  
  
I don't know why I'd ever said that.I wasn't interested in the boy but at that moment my mind had been in search of a diversion of sorts and had found it.  
  
"*Ee'm*?" the prat asked incredulously.  
  
"Yes ee'm," I retorted mockingly.  
  
Romulus studied me with golden eyes, probably trying to make out whether I was worth his royal air.  
  
"Oui, oui, I accept your shallenge Monsieur Black," he decided, a look of determination etched upon his pale brow.  
  
"Fine, we start our.conquest after the game. I'm sure you wish to congratulate you twin?" he despised Remus for what fate had made him.  
  
*  
  
"You were ruddy brilliant!" I exclaimed as Remus left the change rooms. Ravenclaw had beat Slytherin 170-130, which goes to show the dexterity of their Chasers or perhaps Remus was an expert Keeper-I would believe both.  
  
"You really believe so?" his eyes shown.  
  
Slinging an arm around his thin-yet-graceful frame I escorted him to our dormitory, "I know so, you did a better job than I ever could."  
  
My blue eyes stared at the unmoving ground while saying this as memories flitted within the depths of my mind. The wind whistling through my hair, the sting of rain on overcast days and the Quaffle as it came towards me. Suddenly, two pale hands encompassed my face as they directed my gaze into the golden stare of another.  
  
"Don't say that Sirius-you were greatness in its own right. I thought you were at least."  
  
I searched his eyes for any trace of deceit but there was only sincerity and earnestness. It comforted me slightly that Remus bore any opinion of me whatsoever.  
  
"Well maybe we can play, you and I when we've got free time. You know, trade some tactics?" I suggested.  
  
This notion was rewarded with a happy gleam in my friend's eye and his pale lips drawn up in a smile.  
  
"I would love that Sirius. It's really quite nerve wracking when you're in the game."  
  
I laughed at my friend. However, the mirth in my being quickly dissipated when an all-too-familiar drawl found its way into mine ears, "You played very well brozer. Even better than Monsieur Black ever 'as."  
  
"You're pushing your luck Lupin," I growled, my lips revealing more distrust and animosity than I held for Malfoy and Snape combined.  
  
Remus stood between us, always the peacemaker. I knew he loved his brother-barely and felt bad for him. Moony was always apologizing for his very existence when there was no need to utter the words.  
  
"Thank you Romulus. Much appreciated, if you don't mind I'm going to help Sirius with his Defence Against the Dark Arts essay. Nice talking," Remus hurried to finish.  
  
"Ah oui. Je dois partie maintenant pour suivre ma parier avec Monsieur Black," I hated it when the twins spoke their native tongue. "Quel parier Romulus? Qu'est-ce que tu parles propos?" Remus's tone was quick and curious.  
  
"Demander a votre ami," were the villain's parting words.  
  
I watched as Romulus walked off towards the castle. I wanted desperately to remain with my companion but couldn't if I wanted a chance to win the bet.  
  
"What wager? What was Romulus talking about?" his golden eyes felt as though they were searching within my very soul.  
  
"Nothing Moony. Just trying to prove to that prat that he's only half as charming as he thinks he is," I snarled.  
  
My friend's hands caught my shoulder in a nearly painful grasp. Moony is strong, twice as strong as he lets on actually. If there is something that can be obtained by physical strength Remus could easily retain it.  
  
"*What* bet?"  
  
"It isn't important," I did not know why I was refusing him the information.  
  
"It is to me."  
  
"Fine!" once again my untameable temper rose like the fires of Hell, "If you really must know, Moony, your brother and I have agreed that the first one to get a date from the Ravenclaw we chose is the best. Does it really fucking matter?"  
  
He looked like he'd been struck. Remus was the last person I became short tempered with. Normally he was too mild to do anything that annoyed me. In fact, this was the first time I had ever raised my voice to him. But he did not do as I had expected he fought back.  
  
"Who? Who are you going to use and abuse this time, huh?"  
  
"None of your goddamn business, that's who!"  
  
"It is my business! I can't stand the way you use people just for personal pleasure Sirius. Do you ever even consider their feelings?"  
  
With that he turned, patched robes and all and stalked off in the direction of his brother. The worst part was that Remus was right I never stayed long in a relationship. I was like a vampire in the way I used and drained people, keeping them only long enough to use them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Ah oui. Je dois partie maintenant pour suivre ma parier avec Monsieur Black," I hated it when the twins spoke their native tongue.  
  
"Quel parier Romulus? Qu'est-ce que tu parles propos?" Remus's tone was quick and curious.  
  
"Demander a votre ami," were the villain's parting words  
  
Translation "Ah yes. I have to leave now to ensue my bet with Mister Black,"  
  
"What bet Romulus? What are you talking about?"  
  
"Ask your friend," 


	4. Daniel

CHAP 4  
  
I found him in the library. How many times had Moony run to the comfort of old books, their author's long dead and pages near decay? I remembered the table he sat at well. It was where we first met-all of us.  
  
James was a Slytherin and with that went a certain pride and arrogance. However, the Keeper betrayed these traits enough to speak to Remus, they had been debating over a use for Flobber Potions. Peter had, consequentially been trying to do an essay of the same subject. Me? I had been looking for Moony as usual. His very presence has always been more than a comfort it is like a security blanket that no matter how wise or worn a toddler will not relinquish.  
  
Their debate had nearly turned into a scuffle as James withdrew his wand, pointing it directly at Remus's nose. My every instinct had gone into overdrive and before the young werewolf could react I had James flat on his back and his spectacles a meter away. Something had happened then, I helped him up and James complimented me on my reflexes. Ever since that day the four of us had been companions. Don't ask me how Peter, a Hufflepuff became part of it. I still don't know.  
  
"Alright Moony?"  
  
Remus paused and for a second I expected him to berate me thoroughly. But he didn't, aside from the odd moment Remus is controlled and laid-back; I really don't deserve his friendship.  
  
"I suppose so. Alright Padfoot?"  
  
I looked into his eyes, they were beginning to have a reddish tinge to them and the day of the full moon neared. If at that moment he had accused me of every feeling I portrayed towards him I would not have denied it. Many times I have thought of telling Remus and just as many times I have played the realist and gone through every possible situation that could take place. None of them were pleasant.  
  
"I-I'm sorry," why did I apologize? Sirius Orion Black never apologizes.  
  
"No you're not. You're never sorry," it was accusing, simply truthful, "anyways, I can't begrudge you your feelings towards my brother. He is arrogant at times but he's still my brother and he wouldn't do anything to hurt me."  
  
Perhaps his last words were foreshadowing, perhaps they were just a child- like conviction that blood is thicker than gold.  
  
"Remus, Remus. Qu'est-ce que j'ai dit propos Monsieur Black? C'est dans ton meilleur intérêt de parer lui. Il est rien q'un problème!" his great prat of a twin had somehow managed to follow me to our sanctuary.  
  
But my companion only shrugged him off, muttering something incoherent that appeared to be of great offence to his twin. When he turned back to the essay he was constructing I slid in beside him with half the grace of a blind rhino.  
  
"Mr. Padfoot inquires as to what Mr. Moony said to anger such a thick oaf as Romulus?"  
  
"Mr. Moony replies that he told his sibling to 'Sod off or I would tell our mother about one of his summer flings with the bartender at the local pub'" there was no mistaking the devilish undertone to his words.  
  
That sparked my interest. Any bit of dirt on Romulus would immediately give me the upper hand in this never-ending battle.  
  
Unfortunately, Remus merely dismissed it with a wave of his hand. James, Peter and I were all too familiar with it. Remus had no intention of elaborating and unless one of us (most likely yours truly) read his diary again.  
  
"Very well, Mr. Moony. Than you and I shall sit here in quiet, sombre silence," I lay down on the bench, placing my head in his lap. I knew it irked him, every time the werewolf flinched but annoyance is my purpose.  
  
"Don't you and my brother have a bet to pursue? Just because Rom is my brother doesn't mean I want him to win the pour soul you two have your eyes set on," with that my friend pushed me up with an encouraging squeeze on my shoulder.  
  
Romulus and the kid were not easy to find. It was only with the help of Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs that I discovered them talking on one of the window seats behind a statue of Rowena Ravenclaw. Once again I felt my face flush and temper rise like the swell of the ocean to greet the oncoming storm.  
  
"Pleasant to see you here Romulus," my voice was too sweet.  
  
"I am sorry but Daniel and I were just 'aving a conversation. In ozer words-sod off."  
  
"I-I don't mind," Daniel was quiet and rather shy but there was no mistaking the faint blush that crept across his cheeks.  
  
"Well in that case," I playfully extended my hand, "Sirius Black. Please to meet you!"  
  
Sometimes I think that I live just to flirt and create discomfort for other, less experienced, people. Daniel, I could tell was quite taken-I had been right he was gay.  
  
"D-Daniel Montgomery. I know who you are though-everyone does!" he added this with a twinkle in his eye that was part nervous part excited. With any luck he would be mine before the week was out.  
  
I lowered myself onto the old cushions-how many students had sat on them before? One could practically feel the ghosts of long-forgotten memories stir among the dust motes.  
  
"Saw you at the Quidditch match. Ravenclaw was brilliant, wasn't it?"  
  
"Yes. Our new Keeper's really good but didn't that used to be your position?"  
  
Then something happened that I never would have imagined. My friends are good and caring but they disapprove of my use of women and men-always have. James and Peter because they have steady girlfriends and Remus just because he's that sort of person.  
  
I saw a willowy figure outlined against the dim light of the corridor. It was a familiar figure, how many times had I seen it just as the full moon rose? Remus emerged from the shadow as if he were Orpheus surfacing from the depth of Hades' realm.  
  
"Romulus, j'ai retenu que maman a dit a tu que tu dois m'aider dans les charmes et maintenant je besoin de votre aide. Alors suivre moi sil te plait," Moony took his brothers hand and began to lead him off in the direction of our dormitory but not without winking at me from behind Romulus's back.  
  
"Now, what were we talking about?" I asked, holding the ever-innocent- sixteen-year-old façade.  
  
"I-I d-don't really remember," his brown eyes were wide.  
  
Only years (okay, maybe three) of experience kept me from shivering as I leaned in closer. Aiming for the kill would have scared a normal person silly, especially with a member of the same sex but this was nothing. He wanted this enough for the both of us, though I don't know why he would with my track record.  
  
"You know you are very fetching when you blush Daniel," my voice was husky with mock want.  
  
"I-er, that is to say, erm, thank you," why do people always stutter when they're nervous?  
  
Finally, before the bloke knew what hit him, my lips were on his. However, I felt nothing, it's been a long time since I ever really have felt the old fire and electricity. This was just another meaningless action meant to fill time.  
  
When we pulled apart Daniel was immediately flustered by my course of actions but I was victorious. Now all that was left were some meaningless words and we would be hitched. Only long enough for Romulus to see us and then I would break it off and collect the title of Hogwart's Best Lover; a mini Casanova per se. 


	5. Like the Scum You Are

CHAP 5 I sat near the same window where I first began my story contemplating life, death and all meaningless actions between. I had been doing that a lot lately. For one thing I was still with Daniel even though the full moon had come and gone though we had done little more than kiss on the cheek-how disgustingly tame; after the initial kiss that began this maddening mayhem. Although I must admit to my virginity I have done worse, or more depending on how the mind perceives it. But once again my simple mind has wandered off the main trail of thought to explore the many precipices of the soul.  
  
As I was saying, I sat near the same window that looked out over the terrain of Hogwarts regarding the near-barren trees with mock-interest as Daniel opened the door cautiously. He was a year beneath me and my companions-the Marauders; it wasn't difficult to notice his inexperience.  
  
"Sirius?" his lithe fingers began at the knots that found their way into the muscles of my back daily, winding tighter and tighter until my spine was a knife cutting a slab of stone in two.  
  
I looked up at his innocent eyes. So much like and unlike Remus's at the same time. While they were the same colour this lad's eyes betrayed none of the wisdom, pain or patience that Moony's held even at the most relaxed of times. This could not stay, I did not love Daniel and was only leading him into a childish belief of caring.  
  
Standing up, I took his wrists in my hands. The human palm is a thing of great mystery, so much can be read in the simple lines and colouring of it without revealing anything at all. It is for that reason alone that I rarely cover the palms of someone else's with mine.  
  
"Daniel.I can't see you anymore. Please understand, but you need to find yourself a nice lad who will actually give a damn to your feelings and potential," I could feel the tear in the child's heart growing and ripping. When I released him though, his mind was not working for he did not turn yet I was under the impression that he comprehended in the furthest reaches of his body.  
  
"I-I knew this would happen. But, before I leave-please. One last kiss?" the phrase was broken and confused.  
  
How could I refuse the dying hope one last deed? Would an enamoured knight, still fresh with the blood of those who lay dead at his sword refuse his dying dame a last kiss even if it resided on war deadened lips?  
  
I bent my darkened head not only in the physical sense but also that from where midnight comes and demons dance in the twilight of a full moon. Our lips touching, mine filled with unheeded mercy and longing for the object I cannot possess. That was when Fate twisted its cruel hand once again, playing us as its many pawns on a chessboard representing life and death.  
  
The door opened, the brass crying out for piety but being refused all the same. A lone shadow stood there as if from the world between consciousness and sleep. But this was a figure very much from our world, how many times had the scent of moonlit nights and bloody pain assaulted me? It was Remus.  
  
"Sirius, can I borrow your." his melodic voice trailed off into unknown lands.  
  
I looked up, breaking an intense moment abruptly. The betrayal and hurt in my friend's eyes was enough to make me wish I hadn't. Make me wish I had ignored him, as I never could before.  
  
I reached out my pallid hand to him but it was too late. The metallic mane vanished, out the door along with the grey, tattered robe that bore the Ravenclaw crest.  
  
"Remus! Wait!" it came in two desperate breaths.  
  
Instead of pursuing my vanishing hope I turned on the boy who's lips had been the cause. Daniel sat there calmly-wait, what was going on?  
  
"Now that that is taken care of."  
  
"What do you mean by that?" I snarled, resembling very much the dog of my animagus form.  
  
The shorter teenager crossed the room to stare out at the skeleton tree. His hands were held behind his back giving him the image of the midget Napoleon as he planned the strategics of battle.  
  
"Well you're obviously attracted to Remus are you not? I couldn't let him get in the way of our relationship. Naturally now that you're taken there is no chance nor is there a need for us to break apart," at this point he crossed the chamber once more and pressed himself into my chest, "Now we can stay together. Remus likes girls you know, I saw him with Paschal Talon the other day."  
  
"Get off of me!" I was clearly disgusted as I flung him across the room.  
  
"But you'll never get what it is that you most desire!" Daniel's voice took on a desperate note.  
  
My figure must have looked like that of a Siege Tower as I loomed over the sunken boy.  
  
"I don't care. I would rather spend my life in solitary confinement, never seeing another person than with scum like you," with that bit of information I turned and strode towards the door.  
  
"He won't like you-ever!" my former partner's call floated away on a ghostly wind. Only its dejected remains reaching my ears. 


	6. A Tentative First

CHAP 6 Smiles Thank you to my MANY wonderful reviewers. I will shortly be releasing another fic that will feature more James and Peter, sorry this one didn't. I really do have a one-track mind.  
  
"No, it's not that I'm disgusted. I just can't believe it." I heard Remus's voice before I saw him.  
  
But although I ordered my ears to shut off, they did not listen. It wasn't really uncommon-I'm nosy and that's the end of discussion. However, just this once I wished with all the might my sixteen-year old body possessed that my mind would listen to itself.  
  
James was the calm and rational one when Moony wasn't. Our group had silently decided that from the beginning. I suppose this was the reason Remus went to him instead of Peter or Lily. But, he and Peter never did get along and Lily and he were in the middle of a fight he would tell us nothing of-this possibly could have contributed too.  
  
"What's so difficult to believe about it? This isn't the first time Sirius has been caught snogging in our dormitory with a guy or girl for that matter."  
  
By now I had made my way down the stairs, keeping my face in shadow. Always shadow, it hid the mind and soul so well.  
  
"I don't know. No, wait, I do.but-''  
  
"I have to promise not to laugh right?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"Don't worry mate, you know I won't."  
  
This was followed by a long stretch of silence in which I imagined had I tried I would have heard the spirits of students passed cry out from the stone around us. Sheltering us, the students of Hogwarts from the evil surrounding the world.  
  
"Moony?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Mr. Prongs informs you that this is the part where you share what you need to tell him."  
  
"Right, right.James?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I don't think I can!"  
  
"Does it have anything to do with Mr. Padfoot?"  
  
I had to lean down lower but I was able to watch the knight in golden armour nod his head. He often reminded me of Apollo, the god of sun in his glory.  
  
"Okay, um, wild guess here-you like him in that way."  
  
"Why would you think that?" Remus's voice dropped the way it did when he was curious without wanting to seem so. How used to it the rest of us were. All his life at Hogwarts our Moony had been the naïve one who knew little about the world outside his family's home. How little we knew about him.  
  
"Well, the facts aren't that really scarce are they? You're gay, no don't frown, we've all known for some time," I had to smile in remembrance about the time James had backed Moony's evil side (Romulus) into a corner and wormed a confession out of him, "You and Sirius are very close plus he understands you. We all do but him more so. After all Remus, who became the dog?"  
  
This was followed by a strangled noise as if someone had decided to purge the soul of their feelings yet their voice would not allow it. That was when I realised from where he was standing-James had seen me. His dark eyes rarely missed movements others would.  
  
"Sirius, I think you owe someone an apology or an explanation-whichever one works best for you Padfoot," it always amused me-how my best friend could remain calm even in the face of irony.  
  
All of a sudden Remus turned and his fear and panic were mirrored in my steel eyes. Too bad that did not relate to my nerve or my heart at times. Immediately my system reverted back to that of my cave ancestors and I held every desire to run as fast as my legs would carry me.  
  
"Thank you so much James for informing me that you knew I was here," sarcasm was more than present.  
  
"I-I have to go!" Moony fled.  
  
*  
  
I had searched everywhere, denying usage of the Marauder's Map for some stupid reason my dormant mind concocted. James was probably mocking my very stupidity at that moment with Lily. But at last I found him in the Shrieking Shack.  
  
Originally some ethereal force drove me to the haunted cabin. Even if Remus was its demon it still contained a drop of pure evil in my opinion. Years of pain, torture and discrimination poured into the walls by its occupants I suppose.  
  
I found Remus sitting there, silhouetted by the nearly full moon. Odd how I was coming to him at long last, really coming to him under the very object Moony and his kin shied away from like the peasants and the bubonic plague.  
  
"Just pretend you didn't hear me and James alright? That conversation never occurred," perhaps his near-lupine senses alleviated him as to my motions.  
  
"No, I-I won't because," I joined Remus on the solitary couch that was not so much a couch but a pile of rubbish, "because I'm glad it happened. Because I like you, a lot Remus and I don't care what you really feel."  
  
My chance to make a move never happened because I had the smaller boy collapse into my chest. I never expected him to sob Remus was emotional at the worst of times but not like this. It almost frightening the way his body was wracked.  
  
"I-I th-thought that you w-would hate me f-for s-saying that s-stuff t-to James. Wh-when I saw you k-kissing D-Daniel I thought that y-you two w-were serious!"  
  
There was nothing to do but hold him until the sobs subsided to hiccoughs. Even when his eyes were swollen with sadness Remus was still beautiful, the moonlight reflecting off his already pale complexion. He looked as if made from the hands of a Greek or Roman sculptor-perfect.  
  
"It meant nothing, that bastard tricked me. You're the only person who ever meant anything-honest."  
  
Passion resounded within my person. Heat radiated throughout each of my limbs and into my spirit. I loved Remus, even if I should not speak it, I loved him.  
  
Everything that occurred was slow, as if halted by the hands of time. It was not as it is in the movies though. No fireworks went off, the meaning of life did not become clear and we did not do any of that stuff when the girl sucks on the man's lower lip. But Remus and I did kiss.  
  
It was tentative as I imagine all first kisses are for the majority of people. Our lips met without extravagance or flourish but they met. Under the moonlight and stars with nature as our only witness my dream became reality.  
  
"So I'm not alone in my feelings?" it was neither statement nor question.  
  
Looking into Remus's eyes when we separated, not gasping for air but flushed with excitement and embarrassment, I was able to detect a hint of good humour. So different from the trouble and angst that had resided there before.  
  
"No, Remus, I don't think you are," and, as if Fate had snapped its fingers, I was myself in all humour once again.  
  
*  
  
"I heard that the moon makes humans do strange things. Not just werewolves," Remus told me as we walked hand-in-hand back to the Ravenclaw tower, not caring whom should spy us.  
  
"Perhaps you're right. After all, why would the great Sirius Black go after perfect Remus J. Lupin?"  
  
"Because he's realized the error of his ways and is currently berating himself for not seeing it before."  
  
"You have no idea how correct your words are m'dear. I really have-no more empty relationships. I promise!" I decreed for the world to bear witness to with all the earnesty I could muster.  
  
Warmth that had receded came rushing back into my being as my new love flung his arms about my neck, burying his face into my shoulder. It really was wonderful to feel him in my arms without restraint.  
  
"It's about time! See James, I told you it would work out!" Lily's commanding words resonated throughout the stone corridor along with a slap as flesh hit clothing.  
  
Looking up I recognized the figures of Lily Evans and James Potter or Miss Twitter (as we, the Marauders so fondly called her) and Mr. Prongs, standing farther down hand-in-hand.  
  
"Care to explain Twity?" I called out.  
  
Sheepishly, Lily stepped forwards. Dragging her practically-husband with her. In that moment her skin matched very much with her hair.  
  
"Remus and I were fighting because I figured out that he fancied you and I told him to tell you but he looked at me like I was a nutter and started to get all angry so I got angry back and James knew that you fancied him so we put two and two together. Too bad James had to go and ruin it with getting a confession out of Mr. Moony whilst you were there and ruining it so he was all positive that he'd wrecked any chance of you and Remus getting together but I sure it would work out and I was right!" I believe that was the most anyone had ever gotten out of the quiet Lily.  
  
I just smiled, relieved by the events of that night. If the moon made humans do strange things I was glad of it this once. 


	7. To Dance in the Moonlight

CHAP 7 [A/N] Don't read this if you liked how chapter six ended/thought the last chapter made a good ending to the story. Although I still love reviews and does anyone want me to beta for them? PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?  
  
That was fifteen years ago. I haven't seen Remus, my mate and lover for eleven of those years. For eleven of them he has thought me naught but a murderer. This isn't difficult to believe; sometimes while I lie in my prison cell at night I almost believe I killed two of my very best friends. But I didn't.  
  
God, the fight James and I had had the night before the rat betrayed us. Before Wormtail brought our worlds crashing down around our shoulders all because of me. But that isn't what plays through my mind, no, what haunts my mind like a wraith of ill fortune are the last words I ever imparted to James. My best friend.  
  
"You know what? I hope Voldemort does kill you! Why were we ever friends in the first place?" and then I had left, just like that. Disappearing into the night as if I had never been.  
  
And then I got my wish not even twenty-four hours later while I was passed out in some gutter. Drunk, oblivious and alone-utterly alone. Without Remus, without Lily, or James or even Harry for that matter. He's thirteen now and he's at Hogwarts, right under the twitchy traitor's whiskered nose.  
  
But Remus is there too. I haven't seen him for a very long time but I have heard bits of news, mostly from werewolves brought to Azkaban because they were guilty or because the howled at the moon in a "threatening'' way. After all, the Ministry can never be too careful now can they?  
  
He never visited me once, my lover, my mate and my life. But I was not to be held privy to such a concession-I didn't deserve it then and I still don't. But I know of him, as I'm sure he had heard of me. Did Remus think me all the more cruel and insane for retaining what little sanity I had? Did he know that I escaped the breaking of Azkaban, did he care?  
  
But what I do know is not happy information. Remus tried to kill himself, again and again and again. Always with the dagger-my dagger. The one a friend of ours, her name was Paschal Beaton, had given me. We had all fondly called her Miss Blacky because she never once smiled or wore another colour than that of her namesake. But I am off topic; Azkaban will do that to a person-lead them astray.  
  
Remus, I know why he did it. The bonds of mating cannot be broken by anything other than death. For this I am not sorry, I never am. Not for the death of our companions nor of my freedom. Sirius Black, to this day is never sorry-ever.  
  
The moon is full, I know this from the frigid air in my cell and by demonic shadows cast onto the wall. Tonight I will leave, waltz right by the Dementors as they come to beat me, it's been another half-year since my arrival now. I will stride by them with neither confidence nor sanity. Although this is one of the more sane things I have ever done-to leave. A dog will not be noticed, especially one that so closely represents the companion of the Dementors-death. They reek of it, did you know? Potent and angry, waiting for you.  
  
The door to my cell is opened by one, rusty lock. It would be stupid to break it though, I do not envy a kiss from them. My lips are for those of Remus Jean Lupin in his own right. Even if I never see him again.  
  
The figure in the cell with a whip in hand draws what little warmth this casket of stone and fear possesses to his person-if you can call it that. But I take no notice for it is this exact moment that I transform and dance out the door into the moonlight and sloping shores of Azkaban Phylaca Magicus- the magical prison.  
  
They say the moon does strange things to humans. Makes them act in ways out of the norm. For this I am truly and always grateful, even now when so little of my gratefulness has survived.  
  
[A/N] Sniff That's a wrap folks! I will write more, I promise! Please send me challenges that involve Harry Potter and I will create them to the best of my ability. 


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